Shakespeare had it right that time.
I have found in the last few days, that there were some issues to resolve with a child, and we have been spending the weekend working on that situation. And, what did I learn? I learned that when my children have done something wrong, they expect my first reaction to be anger. Of course, this makes me sad, and I wish it was different. However, yesterday, when confronted with a truth I would rather not have known about (or at least had to hear about), I found I was profoundly sad.
I forget sometimes, in speaking to my older children, that they are still children in many ways. When a 5 year old runs out in the street, and barely misses getting hit by a car, there is that odd mixture of relief, sorrow, and anger. I think the children tend to remember the anger more than anything, most likely because it is the most humiliating of all those reactions.
So, to yesterday-I get the never longed for news about one of my children, and my heart just broke. I know my kids think I think first and foremost about their failure, but perhaps they need to be parents themselves to understand the first reaction is to wonder, “How did I fail? Where did I go wrong? Why would my child choose this? What did I do to cause this?”
Initially, I don’t think about what they have done in light of their foolishness-of course they are foolish; they are growing up still. But, there sat my child, talking about sin, and waiting for my anger. My anger did not come as expected-I am angry a bit, but more at this world and how ugly and evil and enticing it can be.
And now, we wait upon the Lord to do a work in my child. “O, that this too too solid flesh would melt…” is not far from how I feel today. I am so thankful God is at work in my child, but I wish I could have kept my kid from the world. Some days, bringing someone up in this world is a burden that is nearly overwhelming, save for the grace of God.